i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
