Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
