arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
