so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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