I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
