I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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