I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
