Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
