I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
