Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
