I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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