maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
