If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
