'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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