I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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