I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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