I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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