I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
