I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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