Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
