if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
