His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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