your parents love me but you hate me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
