on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
