Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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