I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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