Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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