She's JV to your varsity
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
