ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
