you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
a search helicopter?!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
