So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
