Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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