A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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