Cold hands, warm shart.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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