I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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