I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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