I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
