I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
