im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
