You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
