I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize