i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
