my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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