the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
