doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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