make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
