he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
