Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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