Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize