he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So squirting runs in the family.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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