i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
