what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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