i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
