i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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