While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
