I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
