My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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