I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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