You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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