remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
