She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
