Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
