There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
