just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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