if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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