I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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