I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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