tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
