I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
